I am approaching my first wedding anniversary on February 2nd. Last year at this time we were in the last minute frantic planning stage for our small but beautiful wedding. The poem, Love Is... by Olga Grassi, my grandmother-in-law, was read at my wedding by my mother-in-law, Judy Grassi. You can check out my small wedding page for pictures and a text of our vows.
It has been a wonderful first year. I find I am not used to being happy, and it has been a big adjustment. I once saw a book, "Addicted to Misery" with the premise that people become addicted to misery and sabotage their happiness. I don't know if I would use the word addicted (which I think has been overused) but I do know we become accustomed to misery and the expectation that we can expect more. Happiness catches me off guard, and it is difficult to trust. I find my past of poverty and domestic violence makes it easy for me to trust that bad things will happen, and I have to consciously override the sense that misery is lurking around the next corner, waiting to grab me and take this fragile happiness away.
When I feel like that, I stop myself and breathe deeply. I let myself be here, in this moment, where I am with a wonderful man who treats me as well as I ever imagined, with a job I love and incredible friends who stuck with me through the dark times.
Happiness takes practice, but I am sure I'll get the hang of it someday. I've come too far to stop now!
I hope all of my readers will hang on through this winter and enjoy the coming spring sunshine. If you are seasonal depressives, like me, remember that it will get better and go out to get what sunlight there is. No artificial light makes up for even the weak winter sun, so go outside!
Blessed Be!
Tapati