I cannot say with certainty why American women such as myself would embrace such ideals. But then, fundamentalist Christian women in America live a similarly restrictive lifestyle full of surrender ideology. Somehow the other portions of the philosophy were important enough to me that I abandoned my budding feminism (circa 1970's), and surrendered my autonomy. My love for my spiritual master, Srila Prabhupada, was also a compelling force. His obvious sincerity and ability to truly practice what he preached, strenuous and austere as it was, earned my respect and devotion. It still, to this day, pains me that I have had to follow my own conscience and convictions and abandon the bulk of Krsna Conscious philosophy--and my obligations to him.
As in the implied violence of sati, domestic violence was something that was not required but subtly sanctioned by American interpretations of the philosophy. Prabhupada himself never openly advocated such violence, and he himself never was known to have mistreated a woman. But he did glorify his sister for staying with her abusive and alcoholic husband (while not justifying his treatment of her).
Men had their own justifications, naturally. I often heard them say that "there were three things you could beat: a mrdanga (drum), a dog, and your wife". This was attributed to Canakya Pandit, although I never found a scriptural reference for this. Prabhupada did often quote Canakya in his scriptural commentaries.
Quotes from scripture were often used to justify the status and abuse of women. In Bhagavad Gita As It Is, Chapter 9, Verse 32, Krsna states: "O son of Pritha, those who take shelter in Me, though they be of lower birth--women, vaisyas, as well as sudras--can approach the supreme destination (1972: 486)". Elsewhere in a commentary on another verse Prabhupada writes:
Now, in the Manu-samhita, it is clearly stated that a woman should not be given freedom. That does not mean that women are to be kept as slaves, but they are like children. Children are not given freedom, but that does not mean that they are kept as slaves...a woman should be given protection at every stage of life (1972: 732).
Note that simultaneously Prabhupada is saying that women should be treated like children (in terms of freedom), and yet treated well (not like slaves). Perhaps the problem is the way Americans view their children and treat them. These kinds of statements resulted in American male devotees mistreating the women they came into contact with--their wives or women who they had authority over in the temple structure. Not all men participated in mistreating women, but a majority in my experience did. This took various forms such as verbal abuse, not supplying items the women needed, or--in marriages--outright physical abuse. The very least that took place universally was that women were not taken seriously as the intelligent adults they were, but were treated with precisely the condescension and humoring that Americans treat their children with.
There were exacerbating factors that caused the men's latent misogyny to emerge. When you take American men's tendency to compete with each other in anything they do, and then tell them that "spiritual advancement" is achieved best by single, celibate men and is much more difficult when a man lives with a woman in household life, that is a set up for disaster. I don't think Srila Prabhupada appreciated how the two cultures might blend in this adverse way. Women were seen as the enemy, architects of a man's fall into the "dark well of householder life" as I often heard it called. Brahamchari life was seen as not only the ticket to faster advancement spiritually, but also within the context of the power structure of the movement. From Brahmachari life to sannyasa (the renounced order), and from there to eventual prestige and maybe a piece of the power of governing ISKCON, devotee men climbed up their own version of the corporate ladder.
Much as in American society a man who seems too willing to please his wife is called by the vulgar term "pussy whipped", a devotee man who appeared to like his wife at all was looked down upon--or feared that he might be. At all times they were under pressure to appear aloof, and certainly not attached to family more than to Krsna. In a letter from K---S---- dasi dated September 25, 1984, she describes ISKCON husbands, including her own: "These creepy ISKCON husbands with their 'detached' philosophy really make me sick. I got one too. I--'s dad is Y----- from L.A. He gave us a 2 wk notice a yr ago when I was living in Visalia with him and then left. No support--no $."
Given the pressures of the roles these men were trying to fill, and the nature of their competition, it is no surprise that violence against the symbols of their failure to maintain celibacy--women--took place. In fact, while still living in the New Dwaraka (Los Angeles) community, women friends of mine came up with just that theory to explain their suffering. A woman from Portland expresses her belief:
We are not always to be their 'things', their possessions, their outlet for their own terrible insecurities. We women have to deal with our problems of insecurity in a way that does not hurt those around us. How can we be mothers, devotees, wives and be destructive towards those who depend on us? So--how can we expect less of the 'stronger' sex? There is no excuse for their uncontrolled behavior. (K--May 30, 1985)
I corresponded with a rather nontraditional male devotee after I left the movement. He chose to abandon some of the strict standards or norms of remaining aloof from women. We discussed a lot of these issues and his observations mirror my own. He writes of a brahmachari questioning him: "Why are you giving some of the women a hug." he continues: "I said they are my friends, I have not seen them in a long time, a hug is an expression of ones feelings towards the other." The brahmachari informed him that he could "fall down", or commit sins. This devotee, S---, goes on to say that the movement lacks men "who can see women as spirit souls, too, and not just a hindrance to devotional service...devotee men have twisted their perverted macho ideas of the philosophy to beat women into so called surrender.." (letter dated 9-17-84).
I spent the mid-1980's dealing with the aftermath of my own battering by my devotee husband. I left him in 1982. I felt compelled to understand, both on a mundane psychological level and in terms of the philosophy, why men were beating their wives. How could a man be gentle one moment and the next become almost a different person, crazed and violent? For devotee men, their great insecurity about their ability to be celibate and their competition with other men created pressures above and beyond what the average American man experiences. If one already had a tendency to batter, and the culture seems to support it or at least not really condemn it, I can understand now why devotee men more often than not gave in to their violent impulses.
As I began to heal I wrote about my experience in correspondence with these other devotees and privately. I also began to search for the scriptural evidence that battering was wrong, hoping to get temple authorities to speak out. But eventually I revived my latent feminism and later came out as a lesbian (and still later realized I was bisexual). There was no longer a place for me in this fundamentalist philosophy. Probably the only thing I still carry, aside from my name, is the concept that we are simultaneously one and different from the divine (as opposed to the advaita philosophy). I find it works for me in Wicca as well. I still respect Prabhupada, even though I now disagree with him vehemently on many points. For the most part, I try to forget my devotee days, particularly the violence and the lack of respect I and others were treated with. And I move on, in a less certain but more peaceful life.
Banmiller, Elisabeth 1990 May You Be The Mother Of A Hundred Sons: A Journey Among The Women Of India. New York: Fawcett Columbine Goswami, Satsvarupa Dasa 1980 Planting The Seed. Los Angeles: Bhaktivedanta Book Trust.
Prabhupada, A. C. Bhaktivendanta Swami 1972 Bhagavad-Gita As It Is. New York: Collier Books.
Rochford, E. Burke Jr. 1985 Hare Krsna In America. New Jersey: Rutgers University Press.
Letter from K--- Dasi, dated 9-25-84.
Letter from K---- S----- Dasi, dated 5-30-85.
Letter from S--------- Dasa, dated 9-17-84.