Our first letter answers my query about the feminist married name issue:
Hi--my name is Pat Emard and I am a new SC County resident and am just starting a practice as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. I do lots of really practical counseling, have a good sense of humor, and help folks with the sometimes thorny problems life brings us.
I have a practice in San Jose, where I am the Executive Director of Center for New Beginnings, where I do lots of divorce related stuff, family counseling, couples work, adolescents,etc. My office is in Santa Cruz and I am in the process of getting to know the community, so I was happy to find this site.
In regard to the name issue, I have been married to a great guy for 21++ years and I kept my own name. If you remember, that was fairly radical (my family thought "weird") back in those days, but we just acted like it was no big deal and most of them just accepted it. My mom was a bit discombobulated and couldn't figure out how to address letter to me, so she settled on "John and Pat."
The IRS, however, was not quite as easily managed. They spent about 4 years trying to figure out who we were, how/if we were related, and we spent several hours helping them understand and appreciate this strange state of affairs. Insurance agents were our next challenge, but rather easy compared to the IRS. I am quite certain that the "new, user-friendly IRS" has by now some procedures in place to deal with this issue, so newlywed should have no difficulty.
Hope this helps others who are struggling. My advice? "Just do it" and refrain from defending "why" you have chosen to keep your name and, if you can handle a few shaking heads and tongue clicks, most folks will come around.
If anyone wants to reach me, I am at 831-684-9355 and my email address is patemard@aol.com.
Another woman speaks about her escape from violence:
I'm so thrilled to have found you!!! Thank you for all that you are and all that you do!
Yes, it's true, I AM AN UPPITY WOMAN, always have been!
It's gotten me in trouble, also. After living in Santa Cruz for 12 years I 'fell in love' and moved to the Big Island. It was a great adventure, but things got ugly (violent) and I fled back home to Santa Cruz. I was trying to get it together with a one year old and a five year old, and I was scared. The father told me to give him one more chance, he had a job offer in Seattle, or else get ready for a big custody battle. I reluctantly went to Seattle. Of course things got ugly again. I was fortunate enough to find a home-based business and even created a website.
On May 27th he left for work and I started loading up the car- with the help of some neighbors we pulled out of the driveway by 10:30am. We drove 10 hours per day for two days singing "We Are The Champions" by Queen. We being my now 8yo son, 3 yo daughter and I.
Well our lives have been blessed with a series of miracles which, thanks to people like Defensa de Mujeres and others have enabled my family to live a peaceful loving existance. I could write a book, but not now. I have a strong sense of being 'cared for by angels' and I no longer fear his reaction. It's been 8 months and no word (even though he knows my e-mail and 800# for my business), so...I celebrate victory!
I have much to share and I want to help other sisters get their lives back.
The big lesson in all of this is that life is about relationships. I couldn't have done this without a number of people who have been incredibly supportive. I must return the gesture.
(Name withheld for privacy and safety)
The next reader has a question--can anyone help her out?
Hi.
I read through your webpage and wondered if you might be able to help me get some information. I was in Santa Cruz for a few hours in January and was lucky enough to catch a musical performance streetside by Annie O'Neill. She was very talented and entertaining, and mentioned that she was in the process recording some stuff. Have you heard of her? Is her CD available? If you can find out anything I would greatly appreciate it
Stacey Ryan
Another reader is looking for either housemates or a new housing situation:
Hello, folks, for those of you who are from my Fierce Words Tender open mic list, know that this is probably the only time that I will use the list for something other than it's original intent, & that's only because it is a very important situation.
But here's the scoop:
I sublet an apartment attached to a house. It's cute & beautiful, and I love it & want to stay. The people in the house rent the whole property and sublet my studio to me. But they have bought a house in Salinas and are going to move out. The only way I can avoid being evicted is if I take over the entire lease. So I need to rent out their house now.
The house is a 2 bedroom, one bath (shower & tub), fireplace, front & back yard, & garage. It is located in East San José off of 31st & McKee. The rent is $860 plus the utilities for the entire house, (which includes paying the utilities for my studio). The bedrooms are kinda small, but it does get a lot of light, which is important. Pets are permitted, as far as I know (between me & the people who live there now, there are 3 cats, 2 bunnies, & some fish). There is a $1000 deposit, plus first & last month's rent, but after the move in costs, it's a helluva good deal!
I'm looking for someone clean, quiet, and the most important thing is STABLE, to rent this place. So if you are interested, or know someone who is, please get in touch with me ASAP. Email me at: FierceMiri@aol.com
Also, I am also looking at studios, just in case I can't find the right person to rent this house. So if you have a studio for rent, also get in touch with me. Thanks! Hope to hear from you soon!
Miriam
And finally, an excerpt from the Good Vibrations store's emailed newsletter about the anti-sex aid legislation:
*Sex-Positivity Unplugged in Alabama*
Alabama, the birthplace of the '60s civil rights movement, is regressing a bit when it comes to *sexual* civil rights. Alabama Senator Tom Butler sponsored legislation which, as of July 1, makes it a misdemeanor to distribute "any device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs." Violators can receive penalties up to a $10,000 fine and one year in jail. [Editor's note: This includes vibrators, folks!]
If that isn't ridiculous enough, the statute goes on to say that there is "no fundamental right to purchase a product to use in pursuit of having an orgasm." Of course, we assume, those who choose to pursue their sexual satisfaction by more home-grown methods (hands, fruits and vegetables, etc.) are safe from prosecution--at least, for now.
This law won't just affect those in Alabama: fines directed at distributors could shut down sex toy companies across the country. Antediluvian statutes like this one, and similar anti-sex statutes in 14 other states, present sex as negative, shameful and unlawful -- instead of a joyous, wonderful expression of sexual health and pleasure.
So how about donating your sex toys (or writing a letter, if you can't give
up your favorite vibe) to Senator Tom Butler? You can reach him at:
Alabama State Senate
Statehouse Suite 733
11 S Union St
Montgomery AL 36130
(334) 242-7898
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Plus, we're offering anyone with an Alabama ZIP code 10% off their toy
purchases at Good Vibrations through May 31, 1999. Offer valid with phone
or mail orders only, call 1-800-BUY-VIBE to order!
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See our web site for updates and information. http://www.goodvibes.com
Uppity Women highly recommends Good Vibrations and their sex-positive products.
Keep those letters coming and always let me know if there is content you don't wish to see published or if you'd like your name withheld. If you have information to give or you want to ask for information or help from other women, I am happy to help facilitate that.
I'd also like to know if there is enough interest in a personals ad column for all sexual orientations. I welcome also your suggestions for keeping it discreet and confidential.
Tapati Amber Sarasvati